As working parents, we juggle countless tasks every day. From meetings to meal prep, it can feel like we are constantly checking things off a never-ending list. In the midst of it all, it’s easy to start seeing our children as just another task to complete. But this mindset – though common – can have far-reaching effects on our relationships with them and the peace in our homes. When we view our child as a "task," we might grow frustrated that they can never be fully “checked-off” the list. Their needs revolve and will need to be woven into the pattern of our lives.
If we think about our children as something that only takes from us, time, energy, money etc. we can build resentment and blame them for times when we feel our own needs are not met. It’s critical if you feel this way to seek help and keep that resentment in check before it grows and defines the way you feel toward your child.
When we expect our toddlers to behave in the same way adults do, or to comply with rules that may not yet make sense to them, we risk growing frustrated when they don’t meet our expectations. If we treat them as just another student in an overcrowded classroom, it becomes easy to overlook their unique needs and the depth of their individuality.
But when we start to see our children as real people – and most importantly real people in progress – something beautiful happens. We begin to approach them with awe, respect, and a desire to truly connect with them. The closer you can draw in and really know them, watch and observe closely, the more they will feel seen. Instead of another set of tasks, you will see how real their needs are and be grateful you have the strength they need to rely on. Instead of something that takes from you, you’ll realize you are investing in a new best friend for life! The way these early days go, will set you on a path for a life-long relationship. And instead of having unrealistic expectations for behavior, you will seek to understand before making assumptions about your child’s developmental abilities. You’ll transition from reprimander to teacher.
At The New Haven, this philosophy is the foundation of everything we do. When you walk into one of our classrooms, you’ll see teachers who truly look into the eyes of the children they care for. You’ll hear the calm sounds of children playing peacefully, and you’ll feel the warmth of a community that values connection over perfection. It’s about being present and observing closely.
So, how can this shift in thinking transform your own parenting? Slow things down.
It’s about making small, intentional changes. Instead of rushing through the bedtime routine, try slowing down and fully engaging with your child – even if it’s just for a few minutes. When they speak to you, listen with intention, giving them your full attention. Start cooking dinner earlier or create a system of meal prep or weekly routine (Taco Tuesday anyone?) so it does not require as much bandwidth from you. Show empathy, even when they act out or struggle to communicate their feelings. These moments, though seemingly small, add up to create a deeper connection and trust between you and your child.
The benefits of this shift are long-lasting. Children who feel seen and respected are more likely to behave in a cooperative way, not out of fear, but out of trust and understanding. As parents, when we approach our children with patience and respect, we feel less stressed and more connected to them, leading to a calmer, more harmonious home.
By choosing to see your child as a unique person, rather than a task or an obstacle, you’re laying the foundation for a relationship built on respect, trust, and love. And that is the true key to a peaceful home.
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